Dirty Bertie 10 – Toilet!

Alan MacDonald's Dirty Bertie - Toilet is three short, very rude stories for 6 year olds about a boy who'll try anything to get his own way.

What happens

In the first, Bertie's class is coming home from the most boring school trip ever (a costume museum, with no sweets in the shop). At the service station, Bertie skips the loo queue to play an arcade game. Big mistake. There's an hour of motorway to go, and Miss Boot won't stop the coach.

What happens next is exactly as disgusting as your reader is hoping. It involves an empty lemonade bottle. And Know-All Nick, who really should learn to mind his own business.

The second story is on holiday at Slopton-on-Sea. Royston Rich, the biggest boaster in Bertie's class, turns up on the same beach, and there's a sandcastle competition with a prize. Bertie decides to build a sand-dog, with his dog Whiffer as the model. Whiffer would much rather dig.

In the third, Mum and Dad announce they're selling the house and moving to Poshley Green. Bertie's having none of it. His battle plan includes mice in the kitchen, a "haunted" airing cupboard and something truly horrible hidden in his sister Suzy's jewellery box.

Is there anything funnier to a six year old than a boy who's desperate for a wee? Probably not! And Bertie's schemes work because they're nearly sensible. He really did only do what Miss Boot told him to do.

It's very British and very recognisable. Miss Boot booms in capital letters, poor Mr Weakly flaps, and Dad offers to "help" with the sandcastle (which Bertie knows means taking over). There's a lot of Bertie in most children, and a lot of Bertie's mum in most of us.

Each story comes in four quick chapters. That makes it a good bedtime read, or a first go at a chapter book alone.

Just be ready for the dog poo in the third story. It's played for giggles, but some grown-ups might wince (and Suzy definitely does).

What to read next

If your reader's hooked, try the Dirty Bertie book called Worms! It opens with the invitation Bertie dreads most, to a pink party next door where he's the only boy.