Dirty Bertie 4 – Burp!

Alan MacDonald's Dirty Bertie Burp is three short, silly stories for 6 year olds about a boy who actually likes lumpy school custard.

What happens

Bertie is the only one in his class who loves school dinners. Wormy spaghetti, gloopy gravy, cold custard with a skin on it. He'll eat the lot and finish yours. So when a new dinner lady called Miss Beansprout arrives with a menu of broccoli bake and cabbage soup, it's a disaster.

What's a boy to do? Go on strike, obviously!

That doesn't quite go to plan (his mum makes him promise to eat his dinner). So Bertie gets sneaky instead, with a tin borrowed from his dad's fishing bag. Let's just say the head teacher's salad has never tasted so wriggly.

In the second story his big sister Suzy has her bossy friend Bella to stay, and Bertie has to give up his bedroom for the night. He isn't having that. There's a ghost in a white sheet, a plastic spider on a string and a homemade stink bomb he's forgotten all about in his bedside cupboard. Which, of course, is exactly where Bella goes looking for sweets!

The third is about Whiffer, Bertie's very smelly dog. Mum signs them up for dog-training classes with a fierce lady called Miss Bowser, and Bertie will get double pocket money if Whiffer passes. The trouble is that Whiffer does whatever he likes. Until Bertie's friend Donna has a very clever idea.

These are properly funny. Bertie always has a plan, and it always goes a bit sideways, and he's always a little bit surprised when the grown-ups blame him. The best jokes come from the way he sees things. His room is tidy because everything is where it always is (on the floor).

The stories are short with little chapters, which makes this a brilliant stepping stone for newly independent readers. It's also great for reading aloud, because the shouty bits (SPLAT! BRIIING! "MAGGOTS!") are very satisfying to do in a big voice.

There's plenty of gross stuff, as you'd expect. Bogeys, burps, stink bombs and one squirmy lunch. If your reader loves it when the naughty kid wins, they'll be cheering Bertie on.

What to read next

There's more to Bertie's school than Bertie, too. Try Angela Nicely, where a girl in the same school is convinced the head teacher has started wearing a wig.