Junie B. Jones and the Mushy Gushy Valentine

Junie B. Jones and the Mushy Gushy Valentime is Barbara Park's Valentine's Day one, told by a kindergarten girl with absolutely no filter, and it is very funny for 8 year olds.

What happens

Junie B. is in Room Nine. Her teacher's name is Mrs. She has another name too, but Junie B. just likes Mrs and that's that.

Mrs announces that the class will be making cards for each other. Junie B. immediately stands up and starts planning the party menu, which in her opinion needs cake, doughnuts, cheese popcorn, candy apples, chocolate covered raisins and gummi bears. She suggests Mrs writes this down.

Mrs says cupcakes, punch and candy hearts.

Not much thought went into that menu, thinks Junie B., and sits back down.

Half the joy of this book is being inside her head while she says something she absolutely should not. She asks whether she really has to give a card to the big fat stinky heads. Mrs, losing it slightly, says yes, everyone, even the big fat stinky heads, and then the whole class stares at her because teachers aren't supposed to say that.

The bit that will get a laugh in your house is the cutting competition. Junie B. and Meanie Jim race to cut out paper hearts, faster and faster, until hers comes out like scribble scraps and a hand comes over her shoulder and takes the scissors. Both of them lose their scissors for the day.

Then on the day itself, one of her cards turns out to be big and mushy and signed by a secret admirer. Junie B. sets out to find him, questioning suspects one by one, and it goes about as well as everything else she attempts.

Two things to know. She talks wrong, and she means to. She says runned, springed, holded, bestest, fusstration and valentime, and Park does this on purpose because that's how a five year old talks. Some parents love it and some can't bear it, so it's worth reading a page before you decide.

And she isn't always nice. She calls a classmate Meanie Jim to his face and picks a skunk card for him. Her friend Lucille boasts about being richer and prettier than their friend Grace, and it's clearly meant to sting. Junie B. sticks up for Grace, which is the point, but there's some real playground cruelty in here.

What to read next

To start at the beginning instead, look for the Stupid Smelly Bus. That's the first one, set on Junie B.'s first day of school, when she is frightened of the bus and the children on it and solves the problem by simply not getting back on.