Dirty Bertie 9 – Germs!

Alan MacDonald's Dirty Bertie - Germs is three very silly stories for 6 year olds about a boy who'd love to catch chickenpox and can't.

What happens

Bertie's sister Suzy droops into the kitchen with spots. It's chickenpox, so no school for a week! Bertie thinks that's very unfair (he hardly ever washes his hands, so if anyone has earned an illness it's him).

Worse, it's Friday. Friday is homework day and Bertie hasn't done his.

So he goes hunting for germs. He cleans his teeth with Suzy's pink toothbrush. He finishes off her lemonade. Mum isn't fooled for a second and says what he's really got is "homework-itus".

Then he spots Angela Nicely from next door at the school gates, sucking a stick of liquorice. What can a desperate boy do with someone else's soggy liquorice?

In the second story Gran needs a partner for a ballroom dancing competition. Bertie would rather eat dog food. Then he hears the prize is a cruise to New York, and by the end of the week he's stomping about like a matador with Mum's best scarf.

The third is the babysitter story. Gran has toothache, so Kevin from over the road comes instead. He's a teenager in a long black coat and he doesn't seem to care what Bertie does.

A snack? Whatever. Staying up late? Whatever. You can probably guess what the lounge looks like by the time Mum and Dad's car pulls up.

This is book nine in the series but you can start anywhere. Each story stands on its own and comes in four short chapters, which suits a reader who's just getting going alone.

The jokes are germs, burps and nose-picking, and the book isn't a bit sorry about it. Bertie's no angel either. There's itching powder in the dancing story and he completely gets away with it.

Worth knowing before you hand it over

Bertie and Kevin end up watching a zombie film, and for a minute you get the film itself. A hand smashes through a window and the zombies start up the stairs.

It's over quickly and Bertie ends up behind the sofa. A child who gets jumpy about monsters at bedtime might want that story in daylight. One who likes a little shiver with their giggles will love it.

What to read next

If Gran turned out to be their favourite, she picks Bertie again in the three stories in Fetch. This time he's her guest at a garden party at the palace, and the whole family's worried about his manners.