Dirty Bertie 9 – Fangs!

Alan MacDonald's Dirty Bertie book Fangs is a trio of very silly stories for 6 year olds, starting with a school caretaker who might just be a vampire.

What happens

It's Book Week and Bertie has come as Count Dracula, in a black cloak, plastic fangs and trainers. Then Mr Grouch the caretaker swoops up in a far better Dracula costume and tells Bertie off for litter.

Eugene reckons he's seen Mr Grouch drinking something red from a flask. Blood, obviously! And what happened to Miss Withers, who went home sick and never came back? Bertie decides it's his job to find proof.

The fun is watching him dig himself deeper and deeper. There's a borrowed set of keys, a secret search of the caretaker's shed and a very cross caretaker indeed.

In the second story Bertie needs a haircut and will do anything to avoid Sweeney Bob the barber. His bright idea is to let Eugene cut it with the kitchen scissors. What could possibly go wrong?

The third has Bertie stepping into the wrong lift in a department store and being mistaken for somebody else. Before he knows it he's in make-up and a custard-yellow tracksuit, heading for a catwalk.

Bertie is a proper cheeky hero. He picks his nose, he fibs, and he's always sure his plan is brilliant right up until the moment it isn't. The chapters are short and full of BANG! and CRASH! and shouty capitals, which makes them great for reading aloud.

The grown-ups get caught up in the chaos too. Poor Dad pays for the haircut plan in a way he really didn't see coming.

There's a bit of toilet humour (Bertie tells the caretaker that Darren needs a poo so they can get into the boys' toilets). It'll either make your reader howl or roll their eyes.

If your reader loves a character who gets into trouble without ever quite meaning to, Bertie's their boy.

What to read next

If they want more, try the Worms! collection, where Bertie gets invited to a pink party next door. Angela Nicely adores him, he's the only boy on the list, and he's desperate for an excuse to get out of it.