Dirty Bertie 28 – Monster!

Alan MacDonald's Dirty Bertie book Monster is three funny stories for 6 year olds about a boy who never, ever knows when to give up.

What happens

In the first, Miss Boot won't let Bertie anywhere near the face paints at the school Summer Fair. He's stuck on the Lucky Dip instead (last year he won a bar of scented soap from it, so you can see why he isn't thrilled).

So Bertie has a plan. He hides one borrowed pound coin in the sawdust. Then he whispers that there's a fortune in there. Suddenly everyone wants a go, and the girls on face painting are very keen to swap.

Which is how Know-All Nick asks to be painted as a big scary lion. He gets something else entirely.

In the second story Bertie spots a busker with a hat full of money and decides that's the job for him. His band is a kazoo, a violin Eugene has had a few lessons on and a biscuit tin bashed with wooden spoons. They play Jingle Bells in the middle of June. It does not go well.

In the third, Dad drags the family up a mountain instead of the treetop adventure park Bertie was desperate to visit. Dad has forgotten one small thing. He's scared of heights.

These are quick, silly stories, each told in four short chapters, so they're good for a child who's building up to reading alone. Bertie's schemes always make perfect sense to him. You can see every disaster coming a mile off, and that's the fun of it. Half the laughs are in the grown-ups' faces when it all goes wrong.

The grossest it gets is some kazoo spit and a bit of sheep poo. Parents might recognise the begging, though. Pleeeease!

If your reader likes a child who's always in trouble but never quite means to be, Bertie is their boy.

What to read next

If they'd like more from Bertie's school, try Angela Nicely. Angela is sure the head teacher is wearing a wig, and she's going to prove it. Bertie's there in the very first assembly, being told not to wipe his nose on Darren.