Dirty Bertie 17 – Pirate!

Alan MacDonald's Dirty Bertie Pirate is three short, very silly stories for 6 year olds about a boy who'd love a pirate's life, mostly for the not-washing part.

What happens

In the first, it's Pirate Day at school. Bertie is the captain of The Black Bogey, and his sworn enemy is the weediest pirate alive, Know-All Nick. So when a treasure map falls out of Nick's pocket, marked with an X and the word TREJUR, Bertie's crew go looking for spades. Guess where the X is? Right in the middle of Mr Grouch's precious cricket pitch.

In the second, Mum starts writing restaurant reviews for the local paper. Bertie is dreaming of a Mighty Mega Cheeseburger. What he gets is a posh place lit by candles, with a famous food critic at the next table. And Eric, his pet frog, is hiding in Bertie's jumper pocket. You can probably see where this is going (Eric certainly can).

In the third, it's Sports Day and Bertie gets put in the parent and child relay. He's teamed up with Dad against Royston Rich, the biggest show-off in the class, and his super-fit dad. Dad's training plan lasts about one lap of the park.

The stories are short and bouncy, with lots of shouting in capitals and sound effects like BOINK! and WHAM! Bertie is always sure he's in the right. There's real joy in watching the grown-ups around him lose their cool.

Each story ends with a neat little twist, and Bertie usually comes out of it better than he deserves. Angela Nicely from next door turns up too. She's still in love with him (poor Bertie).

If you've got a child who finds bogeys, frogs and posh restaurants equally hilarious, this is the one.

What to read next

For more of Bertie, Angela and a party invitation he'd really rather not accept, try the three stories in Worms.