Read Dirty Bertie 14 – Ouch! free for 7 days. £7.99/month after - less than a paperback.
Dirty Bertie - Ouch by Alan MacDonald is three funny stories for 6 year olds that kick off with a hammer, a dare and a very purple thumb.
Bertie never says no to a dare. So when the school caretaker goes off for more nails and Darren says go on, Bertie picks up the hammer and has a swing. He hits his thumb instead. (You saw that coming. Bertie didn't.)
Off to hospital he goes, sure it's broken. In the waiting room a boy with his arm in a sling tells him about the children's ward, where you lie in bed watching telly all day and nobody sends you to school. Now Bertie WANTS it to be serious.
The nurse says it's only bruised. But Bertie has a packet of mustard from the snack bar in his pocket, and an idea.
The second story is a swimming lesson nightmare. Bertie has left his trunks at home, and the only pair in lost property are tiny silver Speedos with no elastic left. Know-All Nick thinks it's the funniest thing he's ever seen.
In the third, Bertie lands on the school quiz team. Nobody wants him there, least of all Bertie. His school came bottom last year with two and a half points, and this time they're up against last year's finalists, Swotter House.
Then Gran takes him to the library, where he finds the one book he actually wants to read.
Who knew that would come in handy?
This is book fourteen, and your reader doesn't need the others first. Each story is its own thing, told in four quick chapters with plenty of OWWs and BUZZes to shout out loud.
The way Bertie solves his trunks problem involves Nick, a toilet cubicle and Nick's own trunks, and Nick ends up every bit as embarrassed as Bertie was.
Nick has been jeering at him all lesson, so it's played as fair revenge and most children will howl. It's also something you really wouldn't want copied at the local pool, so a quick word might be wise.
Along the way Bertie mentions the time Darren dared him to lock a teacher in the store cupboard. That dare gets a whole story of its own in the Dirty Bertie book called Fleas, with poor nervous Mr Weakly on the wrong side of the door.
A library hand-picked by an English teacher, delivered through a calm, ad-free app. If your child already loves reading, we keep up.
7-day free trial. Then £7.99/month.
