The Wrong Pong

Steven Butler's The Wrong Pong is a gloriously smelly story for 5 year olds about a very nervous boy who gets flushed down the toilet into a town full of trolls.

What happens

It opens in the middle of the night. Something small and wet climbs out of the Brisket family's toilet, licks Mum's nose, shuts Napoleon the Chihuahua inside the laundry basket and trashes Neville's bedroom (it even pulls the head off his teddy).

Neville is a 'fraidy-cat. He's scared of the dark, clowns, his grandma and the neighbour's guinea pig. So when a big grey-green hand shoots up out of the toilet and grabs him, it really is his worst nightmare. He grabs for anything and pulls the flush. WHOOSH.

Down in the sewers he meets Clod Bulch, a troll with mushrooms growing on his head. Clod was meant to be fetching his own youngling, Pong, back home. He's grabbed the wrong child, and trolls can only go back up on special grab nights.

So Neville is stuck in Under. It's a whole town built from junk, with a house made of jam jars and a mad clock called the ticker-dinger-thinger. There's a Mooma called Malaria, a pet mole called Rabies and a big sister, Rubella, who wants Neville gone. What's for dinner? Rat patty fried in hair grease, left sock stew or ear-wax brownies!

Meanwhile, up above, Pong is putting the fruit bowl in the microwave and throwing the roast chicken at the ceiling. Neville's parents are so busy with phones and computers that they just say "Neville, behave."

That's funny and a teeny bit sad at the same time. Neville wasn't getting much attention at home either, and down in Under he slowly starts to find some courage.

Worth saying that it's gross from start to finish. There are bogeys, burps and toe-picking, and Neville calls the dog a "poo on legs". Rubella calls Neville names and Neville mutters a few back. An old troll lady knocks him out with her walking stick at one point too (he's fine).

It's a long story with lots of short chapters, so for younger children it's one to read aloud and do all the troll voices. If your reader thinks nothing is funnier than something disgusting, they'll be in heaven.

What to read next

If trolls turn out to be their favourite thing, Steven Butler's The Nothing to See Here Hotel is in the library too. Frankie Banister's granny is a troll, a truly mean one, and his family run a secret seaside hotel for magical creatures.