The Nerdiest, Wimpiest, Dorkiest I Funny Ever

James Patterson and Chris Grabenstein's The Nerdiest, Wimpiest, Dorkiest I Funny Ever is a very fast, very silly comedy for 9 year olds about a boy who tells jokes for a living and is terrified most of the time.

What happens

It opens with Jamie Grimm dying on stage at the United Nations, where he's been asked to tell 193 countries to play nicely. He tries a joke about cooking dinner for his family and the fire brigade turning up.

Nobody laughs. The translators repeat it in every language and a delegate demands to know why this boy set his house on fire.

Then he wakes up, because of course it's a nightmare. He'd nodded off in his wheelchair between takes, which he says is one advantage of always having a comfy seat with you.

Because Jamie is doing all right, actually. He won the first Planet's Funniest Kid contest. He has his own TV show. His mates work on the crew and his best friend Gilda is directing it (and she's sort of his girlfriend, maybe, don't quote him on that).

The trouble is the last scene of the season. It's set in a Tunnel of Love, and the script says he has to kiss the actress playing the TV version of Gilda.

Have you ever watched a child realise they've agreed to something they absolutely do not want to do? That's the whole opening stretch.

Then the producer pulls out a globe and starts sticking pins in it. Rio. Sydney. Tokyo. Nairobi. Dubai. Berlin. The final in London, against the funniest kids on the planet.

It's told straight to you in short bursts, with a gag or a groan every few lines, and it shifts. A reader who insists they don't like reading will often get through one of these at speed, mostly because it never asks them to slow down.

It does play older than nine in places, though. A scripted kiss, cotton-candy lip gloss, a girlfriend who may or may not be one, and Jamie mentioning he's kissed a few girls. Nothing beyond that, but it's more middle school than infants.

This is well into the series too, so a lot is already in place on page one.

What to read next

If the stand-up is the appealing part, The Boy Who Made Everyone Laugh is a very different book on the same dream. Billy wants to be a comedian and has a stutter, and he practises his punchlines in the mirror until he can get them out.