The Adventures of Alfie Onion

Vivian French's The Adventures of Alfie Onion is a very funny fairy-tale adventure for 8 year olds about the brother who was only supposed to carry the bags.

What happens

Aggie Onion has always known what her seventh son would be. The seventh son of a seventh son is ALWAYS a hero, her book of fairy tales says so. So she calls him Magnifico and trains him up to fetch home a princess, a fortune and their Happily Ever After.

Then an eighth son turns up. She can't even be bothered to name him! His big brother picks Alfie, and Alfie ends up sleeping in the barn.

When Magnifico finally sets off, it turns out the great hero is scared of trolls, ogres, heights and mice. His boots pinch. He wants a cushion. He eats pork pies at every stop and calls Alfie stupid.

So Alfie goes along as the Faithful Servant, carrying all the luggage, with his dog Bowser at his heels.

It's lovely and silly. Bowser talks in a way only Alfie understands ("Unfair unfair unfairrrrrr!"). Alfie swaps a bag of pies for Adeline, an old piebald horse who talks non-stop and will NOT stand for personal remarks. Two white mice hitch a ride in her saddlebag (Penelope calls everyone darling, Norman grumbles). And a pair of shifty magpies called Kev and Perce follow the whole party, sniffing out shiny treasure.

Then there's the forest. A princess asleep behind a wall of thorns, a family of ogres camped in front of her castle and trees that turn out to have big hairy feet.

What makes it work is Alfie. He's so good-natured it's almost too much. Your reader will be shouting at him to stand up for himself (and cheering when he finally does). You'll probably find yourself doing the voices too!

If you've got a reader who knows their fairy tales well, they'll love spotting all the jokes about how these stories are meant to go. The chapters bounce along, and the older-brother moaning is very recognisable.

What to read next

If they want more of this kind of comic fairy tale, The Cherry Pie Princess is by the same author. Princess Peony just wants to learn to cook, which her royal father thinks is a disgrace.