Mr Gum and the Power Crystals

Mr Gum and the Power Crystals by Andy Stanton is a completely bonkers comedy for 7 year olds about a girl, a dog and two stones that will not shut up.

What happens

Polly is nine. Her dog Jake digs an enormous hole by the river and comes up with a little cloth bag tied with red ribbon, with 1559 scratched into it.

Inside are two stones. One pink, one white. Polly thinks they are the most beautiful things she has ever seen and she cannot stop staring at them.

Which is the first sign that something is wrong.

The plot isn't really the point here. The way the book is written is the point.

A kingfisher soars gracefully into the side of a sycamore, drops to the ground and is stepped on by an otter. The frogs text RIBBET to each other on their mobiles. A fox slides through the hedgerows selling cheap lighters and stolen DVDs. None of it has anything to do with anything.

Polly's own voice is the best bit. She talks about the Olden Days, announces official Polly Facts, and when she starts getting nervous she explains that she is only walking fast because she wants to see what walking fast is like.

The narrator butts in constantly too. He tells you Jake's bark was so happy that every soldier in the world put down their gun and played a bit of hopscotch instead. Then the next bark arrives with a couple of extra As in the middle, free of charge.

Then the stones begin whispering. They want to go to the windmill. They say it is their Destiny. Polly says no about four times and then finds herself outside in her bare feet anyway.

One bit to flag for a jumpier reader. There is a long dream chapter where the stones take charge and walk Polly out of the house in the middle of the night, and Mr Gum's face turns up in the moon with its red beard and bloodshot eyes. The daft jokes carry on right through it, so it is silly rather than horrible, but it is genuinely eerie for a few pages.

A child who doesn't like the idea of being controlled by something might want you nearby for that chapter. A child who hears "two stones arguing about their Destiny" and immediately laughs will have no trouble with it at all.

It is also worth reading aloud, if you can keep a straight face. Half the jokes are in the rhythm and the made-up words, and they mostly die on the page if you read them silently.

What to read next

Should they want to go back to where this town started, You're a Bad Man, Mr Gum! introduces him from scratch. He hates children, animals, fun and corn on the cob, and there are insects living in his kitchen cupboards with faces and names and jobs.